From perfection to self-discovery: decades of transformation
Growing up, I was the “crash cushion” in my class – the well-behaved girl who kept the peace between the rowdy boys. I was the dependable one, always trying to do everything right. As the middle child in my family, I often found myself caught in the crossfire, bearing the brunt when things went wrong.
As I got older, I naturally assumed the role of project leader in school. I was elected student council president, achieved top grades, and carried the weight of group projects when others failed to deliver. Alongside all of this, I was deeply involved in various choirs, performing in over 30 concerts a year only at Christmas, even visiting nursing homes to bring joy to the elderly.
But as I matured, the dynamics shifted. Boys started to notice me, and later, men began to honk their horns. At first, it felt harmless — until it wasn’t. I became vulnerable, and the trauma followed me, lingering and affecting my confidence and life for years.
When I thought I had found love (and safety), the role I had been trained for became all too clear: My sole responsibility was to ensure everyone else’s happiness. There was no room for my feelings. My worth was determined by how well I could meet someone else’s expectations — be it in the kitchen, the gym, or the bedroom. The pressure to conform was overwhelming.
The real turning point came when my first boyfriend prohibited me from having male friends, dressing the way I wanted, or even expressing my own personality. The constraints stifled me, and it took years to untangle the damage. I wasn’t sure if I would ever feel whole again.
But it was becoming a mother that ultimately healed me.
At first, I struggled with the idea of becoming the manager of my own life, as well as my child’s. Was I truly ready to lead our lives through some kind of career as well as children activities like badminton, tennis, music, golf, and sailing school? Should I squeeze even more into the schedule? But somehow, I managed — though not without chaos. And, sometimes, with a little bit of help. (Thank you, mum!)
Things reached a breaking point when I crossed into my thirties. I had a profound moment of self-realization and began to push away the toxic influences in my life — those who feigned kindness but had ulterior motives.
That was when everything changed: I embraced my role as a social, kind, and determined project manager. I took pride in checking off every item on my to-do list. Perhaps that’s the real reason I did it all: to find control, to feel accomplished, and, ultimately, to reclaim a sense of self.
Now, I stand here as the “love-hate” class parent, choir mom, and board member for causes I believe in. I’ve come to understand that life isn’t about being the perfect person who always says yes and carries the burden of responsibility. It’s not about seeking approval or trying to live up to an impossible image. It’s about staying true to yourself, acknowledging your emotions, and allowing yourself the grace to be human.
It’s okay to not have everything figured out. It’s in those moments of uncertainty and vulnerability that we uncover our true strength. Looking back on my life, with all its ups and downs, I’m proud of who I’ve become — not perfect, but real.
Ultimately, life isn’t about being everything to everyone. It’s about being everything to yourself. That’s where I find my true power. And now, with a decade of motherhood behind me, I feel ready to continue growing — on my own terms, for myself and for my son, who is my greatest gift.
Thank you, my heart, for ten years of learning, growth, and love.
